Should I stay or should I go?
I have a one-way ticket to Poland for 29th of June and most probably I’ll have to use it. My visa expires on 1st September, which means that I have to apply for a new one on 1st August. I have a company I work for now but I’m really not sure whether (even) South Africa is worth working overtime, seven days a week (I started to smoke again, btw). Yes, nay sayers, you told me so, the corpo reality kills my spirit, even though there are moments when I genuinely love my job. Also, the company will only consider signing a proper contract with me after my temporary contract expires which is (surprise, surprise) 4 days before my possible departure.
I’m NOT going to fake marry anyone, I’ve considered the idea but I really do have a romantic vision of marriage in my head and I refuse to marry anyone who’s not my Prince Charming. To find a different company willing to organize a work permit in a month or so is highly unrealistic (although I don’t give up and I keep looking!). Being Polish I’m a historically disadvantaged individual this history, however, is irrelevant for the employers and officials at Home Affairs.
I’m not sure whether I could stay in Poland, mostly due to family related reasons. If I am to move somewhere else I’d have to start from the beginning. Acquaintances you can make overnight, but real friendships require time and just after you’ve landed you feel very, very lonely. I don’t know whether I want to go through this process again. I’m also scared that I’m going to end up like some of my fellow expats who being thrirtish and fortish just keep moving. I don’t want to be moving anymore, my wanderlust disappeared when I came to Cape Town. I want a home here, stability and normality. I don’t want my life to be hectic, I have enough crazy stories for a book which BTW I’m busy writing (“My sex life with raptors”, obviously). After two years of constant uncertainty I’m tired and I feel a bit like I did just before I called off my Exotic Engagement – I don’t really know anymore what I am fighting for. I’d love to stay in South Africa but I want to stay here knowing that my stay is something which cannot be taken away from me, that I have a liberty of choosing my job and that I’m not going to hear anymore that I’m a perfect candidate for the position but I won’t get hired because of the visa issues. I really don’t know what to do and I’d like to know soon to say proper goodbyes if it comes to that. Because from all I’ve experienced there’s one thing I don’t think I’ll ever cope with – seeing people for the last time when I’m sure that I’m going to see them again.