Different Kinds of Travelers.

by biltong101

travelerMy observations on travelers today. There are (so) many different kinds of them:

One. A typical tourist –spends most of the time by the swimming pool and occasionally leaves the hotel to attend an Organized Trip. They buy lots of souvenirs i.e. expensive kitschy objects which have as much to do with the local culture as Tarantino has with romantic comedies.

One and a half. Polaczek – a typical Polish tourist. Apart from behaviors of typical tourists, Polaczki consume incredible amounts of alcohol, they don’t speak foreign languages but believe that if they speak Polish LOUD enough an English-speaking waiter will eventually understand them, and indulge themselves in rage discourse about the local culture, often full of racist remarks. They shop less than typical tourists and are slightly obsessed with discounts and sampling. You can recognize a Polaczek by the fact that he wears socks with sandals and claps after a plane has landed (a Polaczek seems to be surprised each and every time that the magic machine has managed to perform its duty).

Two. a sex tourist – goes to poorer countries to sexually exploit locals, taking advantage of their miserable situation. They’re usually not particularly attractive and unsuccessful in their private lives in the country of origin. Some of them are looking for a more permanent form of exploitation called marriage.

Three. a vagabond –his journey never ends. They suffer from serious commitment issues and become a rather pathetic view around forty unless they have money (rich people can’t be pathetic. they’re extravagant).

Four. a life purpose seeker – travels to find the life purpose and through life experiences discover the Truth and shit. Often gets lost on the way to self-discovery and dies of a drug overdose.

Five. a proper traveler – an open-minded human being who has enough money to travel as he or she pleases. They appreciate the local culture and live to the fullest at the same time leading functional and relatively stable lives most of the time.

Six. an expat – travels to find a place which feels like home. Sometimes takes form of  a redhead Polish chick.